My slimming journey... finally.

I'm sure people encountered rejections, disapprovals, discouragement, and then later decided to give up on what they were so bent on doing, for whatever reasons they forced themselves to believe.

I was one of them.

But if there is only one factor for survival, the word is determination. Determination is one brute thing that pushes you on against all odds.

I'm proud to say, I did it. Not without effort, though.

The picture on the left, needless to say, is BEFORE.
It took me less than 5 mths to achieve the AFTER (right).

Losing weight for beauty is not only just losing the kilos (or lbs). I realised I needed to tone my muscles, tighten my skin and be healthy.

Instead of pure hard dieting, I engaged some help (no, not surgery) to create a healthy slimming diet and at the same time, exercising and PILATES.

Will reveal in later posts, the diet I was on, the kind of help I engaged and the specific types of exercises I did. PLUS, beauty is often enhanced by products.

100 days later

Have you ever been so heartbroken that you wish you can just walk out of your house and drop dead?
Have you ever felt so devastated that you just want to end the world, not just your own?

100 days of pain.
100 days later, it is still there.

Everyday.

One more month to my 30th bday

Oh Gosh.
Another mth to my bday.
Secretly annoyed.

I'm on a short break til' my new job.
I'm planning to do some stuff but then... too bothered with matters of the heart to really carry out my plans.

After I saw her and my fiance at church during a surprise visit, I kind of suspected she liked him.
She's a model, petite, nice face, fast rider, a Christian... and God knows what else.
They are the most compatible couple. If they are together.

And what am I?
A piece of shit.

I regret accepting his proposal. Come to think of it, it was not very sincere.
Plus the fact that he wants to be with me because I am the fertilizer of his life, this is not very flattering.
Other than our 8 years of r/s... and I've helped worked with him to save up a 5-digit sum which he thought he couldn't have done, what else is keeping us together? Seriously.

I am just his personal asst.

I feel like a 3rd party. Why am I standing in their way?
A nice gesture to surprise him at church has led me to the truth.
God wants me out of his follower's life.

God, you want me out, you give me some help, ya? I tried many methods to break this r/s and I'm really tired now.
What else do you want me to do so that he'll leave me to live with his model angel, another of your beloved follower?
Kill myself? Is that it?
Is that what you want?
Exterminate me in the most cruel way possible?

Tell me.

IS THAT WHAT YOU FXXKING WANT.

A witness

She laid writhing on the cold concrete.
I saw your menace at her feet.
Pulling hard...
Pulling strong.
Determination,
portrayed so wrong.

頑張る日本！

The recent spate of unfortunate events has brought people to their limits. First, it was the middle eastern countries in protest of their governments, then Japan met with a series of disasters.

Last Fri, a level 9 earthquake shook Japan. This was followed by a deadly tsunami that swept across the northeast coastline of Japan. People were unprepared, taken aback.
Thousands are dead, maybe more.
As if these were not enough, there came several aftershocks.

Then, the nuclear radiation.

My heart goes out to the people in Japan. Nature has its fury, and fury has no eyes.
But what happened to strengthening the 40 year old nuclear plant? Didn't the authorities foresee or plan for a possible emergency? Why were people living near the surroundings of the nuclear plant anyway?
Whatever questions asked, I believe the government is now too busy dealing with the massive destruction, than to answer questions that can be studied later.

The terrible images on the Internet, TV, Iphone gave me a massive headache. I even went to see a doctor for that. I was told, my headache is caused by stress.

My favourite country, is now suffering.

Some people believed that it is their retribution for their deeds during WW2.

Well...

Japanese remain calm (or at least they try to) and I applaud that. I do hope that our donations reach them in time, and that their government can rescue as many people as possible.

Pls don't leave them to suffer.


Japan, be strong!

Resignation - Mar 2011

I submitted my resignation 3 days ago.

After enduring for >1.5 years, I finally mustered the courage to throw the letter.
In fact, the whole department tendered their resignation in the same week.
One of us, who worked here for several years, confirmed that she will not regret her decision. She was pretty loud when she complained to us abt the company and emphasized her decision.

Afterwhich, she even took the opportunity to scream at one of the supervisors whom she disliked for years.
When I told her to calm down, she got even more agitated.
I told her that even after resignation, she could show some grace towards other colleagues, and forgive them although they have wronged her in the past.
After all, leaving a company is not really a joyous event (to the organization). The least we could do is to clear as much sh*t as possible before we hand over to the next victim, and be as nice as possible to the colleagues who remained.

The toes that you step on today may be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.

The twist of the tale came on Monday, when our boss took this angsty lady out for a cup (or few cups) of coffee regarding her decision to leave.
She returned, obviously brainwashed, and took back her resignation.
She told me that the boss, used religion on her, and God is her soft spot.

Oh my GOD.

This is the wierdest office tale I have ever heard of. I do not understand why was religion brought into work anyway. I do not want to go into details but it seemed to me, that there was a hint of threat in the boss's attempt to persuade her to revoke her resignation.

And she fell for it??!!

Oh! I forgot to mention that I have initially suspected her intention to leave. She purposely dated her resignation to be the last amongst the 4 of us. She did not hand the letter to our manager by hand.

It was accidently emailed to our customers, cc our managers.

She recalled the msg, but someone in the loop who read it already, replied all...
with the original attachment.

圆满的婚礼 Feb 2011

This post is overdue!
Too busy these days.

Spent the week starting 20 Feb preparing for Z's wedding. 23rd Feb was the hen's night and it was really fun until we ended up at Dbl-O, which is now a hangout for students and bengs/lians/mats/minas.
The bouncers didn't even bothered to check our identity. So embarrassing.

Had wanted to hire some strippers since we boooked a room at MBS, even considered Steven Lim, but backed out of the idea cos' too expensive (even though the agency told me it's negotiable).

But before we ended the day at Dbl-O, we were at New Asia bar and the view was beautiful. I want to go there again some day. It's my type - atas & classy. *Blush*

The wedding day (26.02.2011) was extremely busy for the bride, groom, their families and the 'brothers' and 'sisters' (incl. me)!

We started off at 7:30am at Z's hse until midnight at the hotel, after the banquet.

In between, I took a 2 hr rest at hm and freshened up.

The wedding was beautiful. I almost wanted to cry with joy.

Z was beautiful. She's amazingly captivating in her gown. My heart melted when she walked in for her solemnization. But I'm not lesbo.

I feel a little sad for myself - that I'm not as pretty. I'm almost sure that I'm NOT going to be the pretty bride that everyone visualizes.
I'm so scared. I need cosmetic surgery.

Couple of days after the wedding, the couple lovingly invited us to a thank you dinner.
We went for a nice chinese dinner and later on to St. James to club.

I have not stepped into a club for years (pls do not count Dbl-O). It was exciting.

Oh. I was asked for my ID to verify my age. I was flattered. *Beams*
And my friends whistled and called for the bouncer to check theirs. LOL!

Great place, good music, fantastic company.

I love my friends.

被鬼压

Also known as sleep paralysis, find out more on SGH website >>> http://www.sgh.com.sg/about-us/newsroom/News-Articles-Reports/Pages/Feelingparalysedwhenwakingup(.aspx

Extracted from Baidu.com >>> http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/93094981
关于“鬼压身”的科学解释
人在睡觉时，突然感到仿佛有千斤重物压身朦朦胧胧的喘不过气来，似醒非醒似睡非睡，想喊喊不出，想动动不了，人们感到不解和恐怖，就好象有个透明的东西压在身上，再加上配合梦境，就被给了个“形象”的名字——————鬼压身。其实，这在医学上叫”梦魇（音眼）“
同做梦一样，梦魇也是一种生理现象。当人做梦突然惊醒时，大脑的一部分神经中枢已经醒了，但是支配肌肉的神经中枢还未完全醒来，所以虽然有不舒服的感觉却动弹不得，这时，如果有人叫醒他 或推他一把，梦魇就会立即消失。

Last night, after an overdose of caffeine, I was feeling brightly awake and unable to fall into my usual slumber. Tossed and turned several times until I finally hypnotised myself to sleep by pretending to. I would describe it as 'plastic sleep'. I felt my eyelids were transparent. I was having difficulty breathing slowly - just a level before I gasp for air - and controlling my racing heartbeat. When I thought I fell asleep, I felt my eyes were wide open. It felt like I was under a plastic blanket. Uncomfortable, warm, bright, hard, fake.

Sometime into this 'plastic sleep', I heard croaking sounds. I battered my eyelids. I was no longer pretending to sleep. My ears perked a little. The croaking sound was from my sister's bed. It went "Earhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...." in a medium low pitch continuous drone. It dragged for really long (probably 30 seconds?) before I decided to shout to my sister.

"Oei, J. What are you doing?"

Never before in my life, I saw my sister jumped out of her bed instantaneously.

"I was waiting for you to wake me up! I couldn't move! I was trying to shout very hard!"

Then she described her ordeal which turned out to be sleep paralysis.

Thankfully I had an overdose of caffeine, so I reduced her pain by maybe 15 seconds.

I went back to sleep at 3:45am after popping a multivitamin. After 3 hrs of sleep in 24 hours, I am now still bright and awake.

Farking caffeine.

Meeting his church friends

The thing abt churches in Singapore (or the US) is that they give me the creeps.
With the Glossolalia thingy, it almost felt like chantings at temples when the bomoh does some kind of ritual. Not to mention the healing and faintings and 'mass hysteria' that I saw. Scary.

I'm not against the religion. What haunts me is the way they murmured the language with hands held high in hundreds, in an enclosed and huge theatre, with probably no idea whether they have really mastered the holy language, but looking so holy, eyes closed.
They even tried to be too friendly to me when I was first introduced. I immediately backed away. Besides, after the hands were down, they didn't seem that holy, after all.

When I was in church school at 5 years old, churches were more peaceful. Holy. Quiet. Nice.

When he mentioned that he wanted me to join 2 of his church friends for dinner (for his belated birthday dinner), I was instantly defensive. I was rude and told him without hesitation, in sarcasm, that I was worried they would speak tongue language in front of me. He just laughed it off. I told him, I'm scared, knowing well that he will likely think it is the work of the devil in my mind.

The dinner went well, though. I put my mind into the delicious Korean fare and tried to be as friendly as I can, though I could have been more chatty.
It was tiring.

In fact, religions scare me. They result in dispute, conflicts, and sometimes, war. They put demonic images into my mind and force me into mental compliance. Yet, I adhere.

I feel cornered, sinful, bloody, even though there are more sinners out there. I am but, just one of them.

I dislike.

如果我美

如果我美一点, 你会不会对我好一点?

2011 春节快乐!

祝贺自己: 万事如意, 薪想四成, 恭喜发财, 财气多多, 横财就手, 黄金满屋, 甜甜蜜蜜, 身体健康, 好运连连, 好事不断, 恩恩爱爱, 青春永驻, 升官发财, 心情开朗, 扬眉吐气, 一帆风顺!!!!!!!

Huat arh~!!!!!!

I managed to help mom clear up the final dump of clothes and ironed and put them away into the shelves just before the reunion dinner.
What a feat. I cannot be a housewife for sure.

We had high cholesterol steamboat (90% seafood) + yu sheng + abalone + chicken curry. Gosh! It was so filling I fell asleep 10 mins into digestion.
When I woke up, I was beneath the God of Fortune poster, on the pink sofa.
And it's already CNY 初一!

I kinda busted my budget by 10 folds this mth due to the CNY, lack of bonus and the present for my fiance - a trip to Krabi.

I'm digging into my precious savings and I feel my heart break into a million pieces. But fret not! I have confidence that with my savings and money attracting powers, I will positively and legally be rich!

Money money money money money money money money money money
Money money money money money money money money money money
Money money money money money money money money money money
Money money money money money money money money money money
Money money money money money money money money money money
Money money money money money money money money money money
Money money money money money money money money money money
Money money money money money money money money money money
Money money money money money money money money

HUAT ARH!!!!!!

P/S. I've forgotten to update abt the successful surprise birthday parties that I planned!
'Cept for the very rainy weather on the day of my sis's party, everything was good and everybody were great companions! True friends indeed!

I want freedom of speech, space and ownership

I hate staying with my mom.
I'm 30 yrs old for God's sake.
Why the fuck am I still staying with my mom?
Why the fuck am I not allowed to purchase my own flat, my own house?
I have enough $ in my CPF to downpay for a flat but I'm not eligible to because I am not married.
What the fuck is this.

I hate staying with my mom cause she stuffs the fridge with tonnes of food that are either expired or expiring.
I hate staying with my mom cause she washes clothes in 4 stages : Soaking, twice. Scrubbing, twice. Washing, twice. Spin, twice.
It's a waste of her time, our money, the earth's resources.
She simply cannot understand, despite our efforts to convince her for 10 yrs.
She thinks that she has put in so much effort but we do not appreciate.

I used to help her wash clothes a few times. She thought that those clothes I washed were not clean enough (for her standards) and she washed everything I washed, ALL OVER AGAIN.

She thinks she's the sole owner of the flat even though I have given her enough money I can pay for monthly instalments of a 3-room flat. I stopped giving her after I had to pay for several insurance policies. But I'm still paying for the telephone bills and her mobile line. My sis took over last year to pay for the utilities bills and housing loan.

We cannot criticise her. We get into endless arguments over the fridge of food that stayed/stays/will stay for a year or more. We get chided for not helping her and when we want to help, she dislikes it. She fears that we will dirty her space or things or whatever. She gets upset when we told her to save some money, for we are struggling with expenses and my fucking fiance cannot even earn enough to feed me alone.

She spends abt $1000 a mth on food and more food. Part of that money comes from the maintenance keeps my dad supplies her.
I suspect that she's suffering from mental breakdown which is causing her impulse buying behaviour. I don't even spend $500 a mth on buying.

But I pray and hope she's fine and healthy and will leave me alone when I finally get married and move out one day.

I love her.
But I cannot stand living with her if she's gonna waste water, electricity, money and boss me around.

I stay in this house but I have no say, no freedom, no respect.

I'm 30 years old. I cannot wait to leave this house, if better still, this country.

My favourite chillout places in SG

1) Brewerkz at Stadium, near the old Cosy Bay. Cosy Bay used to be my fav haunt until it closed some years ago, leaving the concrete space on the river dark, empty and isolated. Brewerkz don't charge 10% service tax, but drinks are not the cheapest. Nice outdoor atmosphere, though. Love their finger foods.

2) Overeasy at One Fullerton, near the Merlion. Fabulous view of the MBS. Nice food, such as its all day breakfast eggs and kong bak pao (dinner). Drinks are a bit expensive. Often crowded.

3) Ice Cold Beer at Emily Hill. Crowded during weekends but sure can squeeze a space or two. Beer promo during happy hours. Crispy, tasty, hot piping wings you won't forget (but doesn't come cheap!). Emily Hill is a lovely place to stroll after some beer.


I should go check out more places... Seems like as I grow older, my social circle shrinks, my pocket shrinks and the kind of generous friends that I used to have disappears.
This is especially so after most of my friends are happily married and became aunties.

Sianz...

Birthdays, birthdays and more birthdays!

My good friend's birthday falls on 24th Jan. This year, she's turning 30 so I tried to plan a surprise birthday party for her (today), but she was already fully booked for the weekend. Weekdays gonna be difficult for either of us due to work. A mutual friend of ours commented that I should try to improve my relationship with the (birthday) girl. Seems like I'm not her 1st choice for celebrating a birthday with. Oh well.

My sister's birthday falls on 2nd Feb. This year, she's hit the mid-20s mark. Thankfully she has got really great and enthusiastic friends. It was not difficult planning for a surprise birthday dinner and party for her. Her best friend helped to think of a nice plan. Her ex-crush helped to contact some other close friends of hers to join in the celebration. Thank God my little sister is a social person.
Venue: Wild Rocket / Rupee Room
Time: 7:30pm / late
No. of pax: 6 and increasing
Theme: Bollywood
Price: $$$$$
Present: I'm broke... but I would love to get her a laptop

My fiance's birthday falls on 9th Feb. This year, he's 30 years old. It's tricky planning his birthday surprise because his friends (being males) are not the enthusiastic kinds, especially without pretty girls around, you know.
I bet they will come empty handed but anyway, their presence is a present for him. He loves crowd and he loves his friends.
Last year, his friends gave my plans away when I tried to surprise my fiance. They kinda called him and just told him everything and asked to meet him to travel together to the dinner venue. I felt so stupid.
This year, I booked his fav place but realises that most of his friends (who have agreed to join us) will be late due to work. I'm not sure if it's just internet language or what, but feels like they are not very keen abt this celebration. No theme either.
Oh, the down part is, there are no motorcycle parking lots at that really beautiful place. They are all bikers.
I'm still thinking what kind of drinking games we can play that night.
Sigh.
Venue: One Fullerton, Overeasy
Time: 8:30pm but I think will start at 9:30pm
No. of pax: 8 (if no one play us out)
Theme: No theme (I'm bringing bike magazines to make everyone feel like they are in a supper biker outing)
Price: $$$$
Present: 3D2N Krabi

Total damages estimated around $2000
Shit. I'm really damaged this yr.

I pray hard that my upcoming bonus is more than I expect.

This is the side effect of Botox

After I got my 2nd jab

I can't even fucking smile.

Spent $1500 for 2 sessions. I should have gone for the lipo.

A maid's woe, a demanding employer

I think so.

A colleague of mine just hired a maid. This is her first time. The maid's too.
For the past one month, she spent time training the maid, her children and whoever that's involved in her household.
I would say, she spent too much time.

Recently at work, every half an hour, she would be on the phone with her maid.
She's either instructing her maid to run some errands or trying to check on her, or her children. I'm not kidding abt the 'every half an hour'.
If I'm her boss, I will gladly give her a warning letter, but that's another story.

Anyway, today she was calling her maid several times in the morning since 11am and could not get her. She was so pissed. She then asked her sister in law's maid to check on her maid (they stay in the same block) and found that her maid had actually brought her daughter downstairs to wait for the school bus - half an hour earlier than bus arrival time. She was so worked up that she scolded her maid loudly.
She shouted at her maid for going downstairs earlier than scheduled - her maid was supposed to bring her daughter to wait for the bus 5-10 mins before bus arrival.
She accused her maid of talking to other maids - she told us she's worried that her maid will be led astray by the 'seasoned' ones.
She kept shouting and shouting and shouting.

"Who give you money? I ask you who give you money?"

"M'am give you money! You should listen to M'am!"

"Why did you listen to my daughter? She give you money? She give you money?"

"I ask you who is the boss?"

Seriously, I wouldn't care two hoots abt her family affair. But she was affecting my concentration at work as I was sitting just behind her.

Later in the afternoon, she found out that her maid overcooked some food and served it to her son. Her picky son threw tantrums and decided not to eat.
Of course, my colleague hit the roof.
She shouted at her maid again.

"Why did you kasi (give) didi black black food?"

"Huh? Why?! I ask you why?!"

"I told you the food is supposed to be cooked for yourself, not for didi. Why did you cook and kasi didi? And why you cook until black black and kasi didi?"

"Who give you money? You want to listen to who?"

"M'am tell you..." blah blah blah

After she hung up, my other colleagues and I started to persuade her not to be so nitty gritty towards her maid. I told her that maybe, there was some misunderstanding due to the language barrier and a different cultural background.
But my colleague got angry and she insisted that since she used a trustworthy online translator, her maid should understand what she was trying to tell her.
I explained to her that sometimes, a different culture may mean that even the same words bring a different meaning.
She got so fucking pissed she told my manager (who happened to be lurking around our area of conversation) that I was siding with her maid.
I was like WTF?!?!?!

Then she gave me a very angry smug look by getting my manager's support that her translation was correct.

Seriously, I felt like telling her to just quit the job and go home and take care of her kids.
C'mon! She spends much of her time calling her maid, her kids, her husband, etc etc at work. She tells people she has God's grace for not needing to work overtime.
When her maid just arrived, she even wanted to throw away her maid's clothes and buy her new ones. Cos' she thinks that her maid's clothes might be dirty, and she thinks that buying new ones can make up for that.
Of course, we told her that it's cruel. Later on, she decided not to do it.

Now, look at her. She's behaving like a mad and childish woman. Can't believe she's married with 2 kids and 32 yrs old.

If she has God's grace, I seriously think God is either too busy with work, or he is getting senile.

Anyway, a link for you to know abit abt 'maid training' here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6kqvZx1Bzw

New Year Resolution 2011!

Oh gosh! Sorry for my late greetings, dear blog.
 あけましておめでとうございます!
Happy New Year!
新年快楽!
Selamat Tahun Baru!

Had a beautiful end to 2010 and hopefully a good year ahead.

I haven't done much in 2010 to accomplish any of my resolutions...
This year, I have to buck up.
They are
1) Lose 6kg to have that digit '4' in my weight again.
2) Have several travel plans realised.
3) Lose that lousy job and ditch those lousy colleagues for good.
4) Find a job that has nothing to do with logistics. The mere mention of this word sends my head spinning.
5) Make new friends and gather old ones.
6) Continue looking like I'm in my mid-twenties

For a start, today I took a day off to accompany my mom to the skin centre for her follow up appt. Then, I went for my eye check up at SNEC. The doctor told me I'm good, and I have no lazy eyes or mis-aligned eyes which everyone thinks I have.
She told me maybe, it's cos' of my skin near the front of my eyes that's giving people an impression that my eyes are mis-aligned. To fix that, I have to go for cosmetic surgery.
Sigh.

I didn't waste too much time today and went for my next appt at this place who advertised for "lose weight to win money" scheme.
Ya, it's a scheme after all.
I should have guessed as much, since it's located at a run down complex in Katong.
The moment I reached the place, I knew it. The sales lady (or to term nicely, consultant) poured me a cup of drink and proceeded to analyse my body fat, weight, BMI etc etc. Seems like all the gym workout I have been consistently doing is seeing results. My body fats dropped from 30% to 26.9% and that amounts to abt 1.65kg of fats!
Then she started selling products from the ever famous H brand.
I'm pretty open to such selling but the moment I saw milk powder and pills, I shut off.
I have tried those stuff and, trust me, they are DISGUSTING. I recall those times I had meal replacements of milk powder, wah lao, I felt so nauseous after a week.
Anyway, to be polite, I smiled and pretended to listen.
When she failed to convince me to buy, an uncle who claimed he is 63 yrs old and succeeded in losing much weight, stepped in and tried to look handsome. But I thought he looked like a ghost.
Again, I was polite and smiled but I was laughing inside.

Then, another girl who's my age joined in our conversation with her very broken english.

"You know, last time my tummy "blat" here and there and looked like 3 mths pregnant. Now you see!"
She stretched the clothing around her tummy to show me a not very firm stomach, and breathed in.
"See! Now it has no "blat" and is flat. Last time I got the fats around my waist at the sides..."
You mean, lovehandles?
"See! Now I don't have."
Still have leh.
"Look at this photo." She excitedly showed me a picture of her face in the past with very red sensitive skin and pimples.
"Look at me now. My skin improved!"
Huh? Is that improvement...? Or make up?

She blabbered on while I zoned off. My mind was bursting into laughter, but I giggled gently in front of them.

Then the first consultant who spoke to me started to chip in.
"Blah blah blah, blah blah blah...."

That's when I noticed her nostrils. They were turned outwards and I could see the insides pretty obvious.

Like this character from facebook's pet society.

Only the nose. The consultant did not have green eyes, blonde hair, pink skin and cute ribbons.

The final 20 mins, I was staring right into her nostrils.

Next, I'm going off to the gym for my final PT lesson. Bet I have to go thru' another sick session of "psycho-ing" by the sales peeps again. Argh... can't my life be ANY easier?