One more month to my 30th bday

Oh Gosh.
Another mth to my bday.
Secretly annoyed.

I'm on a short break til' my new job.
I'm planning to do some stuff but then... too bothered with matters of the heart to really carry out my plans.

After I saw her and my fiance at church during a surprise visit, I kind of suspected she liked him.
She's a model, petite, nice face, fast rider, a Christian... and God knows what else.
They are the most compatible couple. If they are together.

And what am I?
A piece of shit.

I regret accepting his proposal. Come to think of it, it was not very sincere.
Plus the fact that he wants to be with me because I am the fertilizer of his life, this is not very flattering.
Other than our 8 years of r/s... and I've helped worked with him to save up a 5-digit sum which he thought he couldn't have done, what else is keeping us together? Seriously.

I am just his personal asst.

I feel like a 3rd party. Why am I standing in their way?
A nice gesture to surprise him at church has led me to the truth.
God wants me out of his follower's life.

God, you want me out, you give me some help, ya? I tried many methods to break this r/s and I'm really tired now.
What else do you want me to do so that he'll leave me to live with his model angel, another of your beloved follower?
Kill myself? Is that it?
Is that what you want?
Exterminate me in the most cruel way possible?

Tell me.

IS THAT WHAT YOU FXXKING WANT.